Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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