don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
