One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
