I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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