I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
