We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
