That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
