How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i now understand why vodka
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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