just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
