That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
it's great music for shaving your balls
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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