Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
