She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
