Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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