he wants to bone in the snuggie
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
