Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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