we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
