I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
