I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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