I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
