I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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