We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
