ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
