she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
