I showed him my bush... on skype.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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