I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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