just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
