You really coming over, don't trick.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
