i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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