Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
