can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
