end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
