Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
