Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i drank out of a bidet.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
