fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
