im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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