I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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