I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
