Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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