i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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