Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
