that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
