I didn't shave. On purpose
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
