her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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