we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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