Little spoons don't ask big questions
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
