who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
