Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
