spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
