I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
