omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
