I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
