I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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