I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
